50 lbs Ago

10 years ago I was an in shape college full time college student that worked at the Sports Center of the University I attended (as well as 1 or 2 other part-time jobs) I also ran track and cross country for my school. I was 5 feet 3 inches and 122lbs of muscle, speed, endurance, and beauty. Two years later I met and married a man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. We shared a passion for fitness and working out, by the time we were married I was 117lbs having only 14% body fat. I could bench press more than my own body weight and squat even more. Then we got married and I started working full time. Suddenly the energy to workout for 2 hours every day wasn't there any more and my concern for cooking the healthiest of meals yielded to cooking the simplest of meals. And I slowly started putting on weight. Almost 4 years later we decided to try for a baby at 157 pounds me that I should try to lose some weight before trying for a baby because sometime excess weight makes it difficult to conceive and may lead to complications if I do get pregnant. I tried, albeit it wasn't a whole hearted attempt. After a few months of trying I got pregnant and about a week after I found out I miscarried. Two months later still around the same weight I got pregnant with my daughter. I tried to motivate myself to workout on a regular basis, but between the lack of energy and the constant acid reflux it was hit or miss at best. Two weeks before I gave birth I weight 187lbs.

After having the baby I lost about 12 pounds. I have remained around 175lbs ever since. I've had spurts of working out and eating right and weight loss followed by weight gain. I used to love looking in the mirror when I was in college. Even though at the time I still looked at what I needed to improve, I wish I would have spent more time telling myself how great I actually did look instead of constantly finding something that I didn't think was quite good enough. Now I avoid mirrors at all cost and when I do look in a mirror it's usually just at my face on the rare occasion that I bother to put make-up on. I know that I'll never look the way I did in college. Pregnancy takes a toll on ones body and there are some permanent changes, especially due to the fact that I breast fed for the 9 months, but I do know that I can have a better reflection. I just need to stop making excuses for myself and love myself to know that I need and deserve to take time for myself. My goal is to lose 50lbs by this date next year.